“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.”
You have known each other for years.
You studied together. Partied together. Shared your ups and downs together.
He has always been your confidante throughout the years when you needed a guy’s perspective on your relationship woes.
After college you went off on your separate ways to take on the world, doing your own thing, traveling, dating other guys, finding your place in the world. Even though your paths cross once in a blue moon and you know he is just a phone call away it’s not the same.
Nonetheless, you have always kept a piece of him close to your heart.
You know when you have those certain moments and certain milestone in your life? You can’t help but think of him, wishing he was physically there with you to share the moment. He’s the one that never leaves your mind.
In university, your girlfriends had always wondered and asked why not consider him as a lover?
You would respond, no we are not like that. He’s my best friend.
As you started dating more guys and realize the guys you date just aren’t as nice, chivalrous, thoughtful, fun, you can’t help but start to wonder more.
You wonder if he felt the same? What would it be like if we did get together?
This is what was going on in my mind.
I realize I needed to find the courage and ask my best friend.
So I did.
He seemed intrigued by the possibility. And is tender and compassionate about his response saying he needs some time to think as he explored the idea.
But somewhere along the way he confused me unintentionally with his actions.
As he was trying to make sure he felt right about the next step before going all in, my impatience began to grow.
This impatience led to a sense of desperation. Mixed with a night out drinking I became a hot mess.
Since nothing ever good comes out of desperation, it drove him away.
We both retreated, feeling confused and hurt.
It’s been a long time since we’ve reconnected.
I decided to reach out to see what happens.
And just like the old days we picked off from where we left off.
We laughed about what happened.
It felt good to have my friend back. It felt like nothing has changed.
Until one day he brings up the question of what’s going on between us?
You asked him what does he want?
He replies I don’t know.
You tell him you know how I feel. I like you. I’ve known that I’ve liked you since the time I told you.
He kisses you. A part of you was surprised, a part of you was scared. You are not sure if you even kissed him back. It felt so quick.
Your lips part.
He tells you, I like you too. You are beautiful. Actually, I love you. You know that right? But for some reason I just can’t seem to see you in a romantic way.
At that moment, your heart dropped. Your mind starts to think what have I done wrong?
The window of opportunity passed.
You feel your emotions got toyed with again. That insecure part of you that felt rejected last time came out to protect you by fronting a cold exterior. You start to retreat.
You are disappointed and upset. You question your worth. You try to understand from his perspective. What is it you are not seeing about yourself? What is wrong with me?
You then realize there’s no need.
You are WORTH it.
You are worthy of being romantically loved by someone who is not going to overlook your love and affection for them.
You are worthy to be with someone who is willing to go all in and give it their all, giving you all the love that you deserve.
And for whatever reason, he can’t give that to you.
You’ve spent countless hours thinking about what’s stopping him? What’s the deal?
Who knows? So frustrating right?
You decide to stop thinking and to focus on what you do know.
And what you do know is:
You now know where you stand with him. You know what you mean to him. You know what he means to you. You know without a doubt your friendship will be a lifetime.
And that in my opinion is Golden!
You see as disappointed as I am with the outcome, by accepting the situation it allows me to move on with what I’ve got.
For me, I would much prefer to have him in my life than to lose our friendship again.
Why?
Because we have an uncanny understanding of each other that words can’t describe.
Because deep down I know without a doubt, we have an inexplicable type of love for each other that is of utmost respect and value for one another.
Love comes in different forms.
And what we’ve got is pretty special when we focus on the here and now. Our relationship is always fun, never trying, never complicated. Everything just flows, as we create fond memories of each other.
As with all things in life, you can’t dwell on things you can’t change.
Because I know I have done my best.
I have lived for myself, even with him in mind. I have continued to live my life, to create a life I want with or without him.
The only difference now is I have come to learn that the sooner I accept things as they are, the sooner I can expend my energy living my life, creating more things that makes my heart sing in life.
So if you’ve got a friend you love, let go of any expectations you have of your relationship turning into anything more than just friends.
Accepting the situation as is, is not the same as giving up. @rye_theresa
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It’s about holding on to the awesome current relationship you have. To be simply grateful for where it is now.
To love fully of the situation that is, not what you think it should be, will set you free.
This is how I choose to see it.
In the end – Nothing is forever in life. Everything is temporary.
If it is meant to be, it will be.
Having been brought up in a traditional immigrant family, Theresa Ho knows first-hand how it feels like to be living the cultural expectations while wanting to live her own life. As the founder of Rejuvenate Your Essence, Theresa helps people who are ready to say yes to themselves. Get your free 10 Part Live Life On Your Own Terms Manifesto Series. For more inspiration, you can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
Image courtesy of Kristina Litvjak.
