Can you remember where you were when you first heard about 9/11? What about when the Challenger shuttle exploded, or, for older folks, when you first heard that President Kennedy had been shot? Most people know exactly where they were and what they were doing when these tragic events were thrust into their consciousness.
The best way to understand and process your feelings about the Sandy Hook shootings is to first gain some insight into the way we make sense of a collective tragedy, psychologically.
One way the human mind processes the unthinkable is to distance our own experience from the victims with a defense mechanism called, “Just World Effect” or “Just World Fallacy.” According to the hypothesis, we have a strong desire or need to believe that the world is an orderly, predictable, and just place, where people get what they deserve. Such a belief plays an important function in our lives since, in order to plan our lives or achieve our goals, we need to assume that our actions will have predictable consequences. When we encounter evidence suggesting that the world is not just, we quickly act to restore justice by helping the victim or persuading ourselves that no injustice has occurred.
In the case of Sandy Hook Elementary School, there is already media speculation that the town was full of “gun enthusiasts,” which is setting up the justification for what happened. (Similar to people blaming the victim in a rape case because of what she was wearing or blaming victims of a flood or tornado for not evacuating.) We either lend assistance, or we decide that the victim must have done something wrong to bring on their misfortune. These attitudes are continually reinforced in our culture through fairy tales, fables, comic books, cop shows, and other morality tales, in which good is always rewarded and evil punished.
We all know consciously that the mysteries of the Universe are vast and that there will always be things that happen that we can’t make sense of or explain.
Being okay with the unknown is part of your challenge around tragedy.
We want to tie it up nice and neat with logic that fits our view of the world, but this is not possible. It is possible, however, to take action that is empowering and minimizes psychological injury.
Three Ways YOU Can Take Empowering Action
1. Acceptance
The shootings in Newtown make no sense. Don’t try to make them make sense. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judging yourself for feeling the way you do (and do not judge others for how they feel either). By accepting, acknowledging, and processing your feelings, some of that charge, that high intensity electricity that comes with strong emotions, will begin to lessen. Be open to communicate about your feelings with others without blaming and bringing up a political agenda. Again, that is logic trying to make it’s way in to “clean up” everything. It’s okay to not know, to not understand, to be angry and upset (those feelings mainly come from fear in our inability to make sense of a situation). Allow yourself to be in the “not knowing” and have faith that we will heal.
2. Secondary Trauma
There are reports of people exhibiting symptoms of PTSD from hours spent watching news coverage of the events, which can have a cumulative impact that may lead to a cycle of worry, anxiety, and sleeplessness. Get informed through a reliable news source and limit how much time you spend watching, listening, and reading news reports so you can control how you receive the information. Violent images can leave lasting scars, and children should not be allowed to watch ANY coverage of the shootings. As parents, teachers, and guardians, it’s important to remind younger children of “stranger danger.” For adolescent children, allow them to talk openly and listen without saying much and limit their exposure to violent images on television, video games, and the internet. And for all school-aged children, teach them what to do if they are involved in a school shooting. Unfortunately, this is our reality, but you can teach children the right actions to take—just as you would teach them fire safety—calmly and without scaring them.
3. Reach Out
Doing something positive for the victims and allowing children to be a part of it is a way to feel empowered and pay your kindness forward.
Give: Many local and national charities and nonprofits are collecting funds and holding various events to support victims and their families and to raise awareness. For a list of some verified organizations, click here.
Do Something Good: Commit to twenty random acts of kindness in honor of the twenty children who lost their lives. Journalist Ann Curry first came up with this idea, and now #20Acts on Twitter is flooded with creative ideas.
Check out what some #20Acts participants have done:
* I gave 20 flowers to 20 unsuspecting people. Each flower had the name of a child whose life was so tragically taken.
* I just billed all my clients $0.00 for December w/ note: 20 Acts of Kindness for 20 little lives lost in Newtown.
* I just paid someone’s parking. The attendant teared up and so did I.
* I don’t earn much, but donated 10% of this week’s paycheck to National Alliance on Mental Illness.
* Saw a homeless couple sleeping in the parking lot…left them breakfast and a $20 gift card.
* Bought strangers coffee in the drive-thru. 19 more to go!
We may not be able to make sense of these senseless acts of violence, but we can come together as a nation and show our support for the survivors. Count your blessings today and everyday. The power of our collective intention is mind blowing. Let’s use that intention to help our brothers and sisters in Connecticut heal, and, in turn, we all heal.
Love Love Love
Terri
Terri Cole, founder and CEO of Live Fearless and Free, is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. A cornerstone of Terri’s practice, meditation, was the impetus for her recently released guided mediation CD Meditation Transformation. Terri can be found on her website, Facebook, and Twitter.
*Photo by glennshootspeople.
