It’s one thing to cruise through life wishing and wanting to have something or to be someone. It’s another thing to reach out and get it. It sounds simple, and yet plenty of people remain stuck in the first boat. They convince themselves that their desires don’t matter much, even though the constant itch never goes away.

They demonize those who have what they want because they don’t know how to manage their feelings of inadequacy. The reality is that you can never fake your core truth no matter how many facts you make up to counter it. It’ll always seep through the mask.

Contrary to what you think, getting what you want in life has more to do with yourself than it has to do with the economy, your boss, or your circumstances. Let’s see why.

I knew someone who had incredibly high self-esteem, who strutted in a room like she owned it and never hesitated to speak her mind, despite having little charisma. Not surprisingly, she got almost everything because there was no shred of unworthiness in her.

She opened doors because she believed she deserved to. Most people don’t necessarily expect bad things, but they never feel deserving of good things either. This is why doing the inner work is essential. There are some crucial attitudes that no one can teach you but yourself.

Your friends can applaud your smarts, capabilities, and opportunities a hundred times over, but it’s impossible to make them work for you unless you see yourself this way.

As Suzanne Latmann, a psychologist writes;

The difficulty you have in trusting yourself can make success or improvement seem even more remote……If you don’t feel deserving, you’ll find a way not to allow yourself to have “it” (whatever “it” is). Your concept of yourself as undeserving compels you to sabotage, retreat, and resist the things you long to change in yourself.

On the other hand, you alone can dictate what’s true and accurate for you. Your experience in life is greatly determined by your perception of it, regardless of what everyone else thinks. We can shut you down, but only you can decide to stay down.

How To See What Can’t Be Seen

“If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never find it.
If you don’t know what you deserve, you’ll always settle for less. ― Rob Liano

There’s a story about a young girl who survived a horrific accident that fractured her spine. There was no hope of ever walking. She missed her prom. An event she’d been looking forward to for the entire year. She asked her mom to bring her prom dress to her hospital room. Every day, she envisioned herself slipping into it, with gorgeous make-up and classy heels.

Two years later, she danced with her prom date in the same dress. There was nothing special about it. It was just a tool she used to create a new reality — despite what the doctors had said. At any one point in time, you too bear two realities. One is how your life appears on the outside and what others see. The other is the reality of what you choose to see despite what others see.

To get what you want, you first have to create a new reality in your mind. You have to see yourself as the person you want to be. If you don’t, you’ll always encounter a mental block that contradicts your desires each time you aim at something.

It’s even more crucial to create a new identity when you’re struggling. You need to invent a story that makes you feel good and keeps the wheels turning. You need to do what you need to do to conquer whatever you’re going through. The best thing about keeping the wheels turning is that they can lead you to some amazingly good places.

My blog was born from trying to distract myself from the perpetually jet-lagged, lonely and fatigued, life as a cabin crew. And now, here we are.

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal

I once heard these compelling words: Everything is created twice.

It’s true. Everything that exists is made in the spirit, then in the physical. I’ve often found that life follows the trail of our thoughts. You have to think thoughts that align with what you want.

Obviously, nothing happens without action, but a solid thought plan often precedes the most effective action. Thinking helps you get unstuck. Massaging your thoughts through and through, without external influence, enables you to figure things out.

To get what you want, you need to embrace your possibilities and this starts with your mind. Quoting Psychologist Leon Seltzer,

if your life has been lacking in novelty, adventure, satisfaction, or fulfillment, it may be because — in order to safeguard a sense of personal security — your thoughts about life’s possibilities have stagnated.

When you’re navigating a rough patch, you need all the help you can get. But what you need most is a quiet spot in your house, a cup of steaming hot tea, and a mind ready to hatch ideas and solutions.

“It all comes down to what you think you deserve.” ― Sarvesh Jain

Most people don’t get what they want because they don’t feel worthy of it. You don’t attract what you want. You attract what you are.

Everything in life is created twice: First in the spirit, then in the physical. What you create with your mind manifests as your reality.

Leah Njoki is a former flight attendant turned writer who thoroughly enjoys her morning runs. But her greatest joy is that of being a mom and wife. She’s passionate about self-discovery, growth, and inner fulfillment. Her writing resonates with thousands of readers. You can read her work on ownyourspark.medium.com & on her site here: www.ownyourspark.com.

Image courtesy of Myicahel Tamburini.