I am a big fan of RECEIVING what you need, everyday. Not waiting until you hit burnout before you realize you have given to everything else but yourself again.

I also love that we finally live in a world where the self-care isn’t seen as selfish but instead is plastered across magazines, websites and book titles.

But we have to ask ourselves…

If self care is so lauded and applauded these days, why is it that most women still feel overwhelmed, depleted and stretched too thin?

Why are so many people still becoming physically and emotionally sick because no matter how much they try or desire, they just can’t seem to get what they need in the midst of taking care of everything else?

This is a question I’ve been exploring for over a decade, ever since I founded the Path of Self Love School and The Feminine Wisdom Way Wisdom School and started working with smart, strong, powerful people who like me had been promised the option of having it all, had for some time seemed to have it all, but by about the age of 35 felt our bodies, hearts and souls beginning to revolt.

I’ve learned a lot about the WHY we can’t get out of the burnout cycle.

It has little to do with how many green drinks you down or how many new “productivity” systems you try.

There are deeply rooted reasons that make it so try as you might you just can’t stop sacrificing your health and wellbeing – and they begin on the inside.

Here’s the wisdom bite…

We all know how to take care of ourselves.

The problem is we cannot give ourselves permission to take the self-loving, self-supportive act.

Our internal programming defaults to self-sacrifice not self-care.

You know how to take care of yourself. If I listed 20 ways to take care of yourself, you would likely know all of them. Eat well. Get sleep. Avoid white sugar. Spend time in nature. Limit screen time. Create loving relationships. Exercise daily. Rest and replenish.

What you – and we all – need is to change our internal programming – so it supports you to make the self-loving, self-supportive choice by default starting with this outdated program:

Faulty programming: “It is better to give than receive.”

Just think about that for a moment.

You are like a bank that has been running on an equation that causes you to give more withdrawals than take in deposits (for years!) … no wonder you feel so physically and emotionally bankrupt!

Eight years ago, I deleted this “better to give than receive” program from my internal operating system and upgraded it to this:

“It is better to give AND receive.”

Just one word changed everything.

I became aware that:

1. I wasn’t getting what I needed, was because I didn’t even know what I needed. I was so trained to give to others daily that it never occurred to me that I needed to ask myself what I needed daily too.
2. I had been taught how to achieve but never how to receive (without guilt, obligation or feeling like I had to give in return anyways.)
3. I was draining my life force instead of retaining my life force because I gave it away as fast as it came in.
4. I needed to learn to keep my life force tanks full to get out of the burnout cycle. So instead of running my energy tanks down to zero, hitting burnout, and then having to spend more time and money recovering and replenishing, I could monitor my giving and receiving so they never got out of balance.

I’m a big fan of making deep wisdom practical – so we can make shift happen in our day to day life.

The yogi’s say “Change your patterns, change your life.”

So I decide to change my pattern of giving and receiving, to rewire my giving and receiving equation and to learn to retain not drain my energy.

I created and began this daily morning self care and self sustainability practice that takes less than three minutes every morning. It’s the best self care practice I know to beat burnout.

It’s based on the feminine leadership principle of “Feeding the Feminine First” and the super power of Receiving. I share this self care practice and self sustainability wisdom with you here and dare you to try it.

The Morning Life Force & Receiving Reading
Best self care practice to stop burnout
(refer to pages 75-89 of Overwhelmed and Over It for a printed description)

STEP ONE: Start Your Day in Harmony Not Alarm.

If you start your day in alarm, you start your day contracted and blocked off, you activate your sympathetic nervous system which activates flight or fight and you start in panic before your feet meet the floor. The best way to awake is naturally, but if you have to have something wake you up, choose a HARMONY INDUCING ring tone on your phone or replace your alarm clock with a CD player that plays gentle heart opening music.

STEP TWO: Check Your Life Force Levels.

Imagine your body is like a chalice or a vessel that has a certain amount of life force in it any given time. Receiving rule #1 and #2 – Always keep your life force at least half full. And never serve from your reserves. This means you have to know where your life force levels are– every morning.

Before you get out of bed every morning, close your eyes, put your hand on your belly, and ask your Inner Wisdom “How full are my life force levels today?” and ask for a number between 0 and 100 – with 100 being totally full and 0 being empty. The first number that comes is THE number, no cheating.

• The goal is to be 75 or above, which means you have surplus to serve and even if you don’t receive more than you give you will be okay.
• If you are between 50-75 you have energy to give AND you also need to make sure you receive or you risk stress, burnout and overwhelm.
• If you are are below 50, you are serving from your reserves, and your are a ticking overwhelm bomb. Really you have no business giving anything to anyone else because you don’t have enough for yourself, so you need to moderate and modify how you give energy & make sure you are filling up.
• If you are below 25, you are serving from and spending life force you may never be able to replenish, you are in burnout. Wherever you are, don’t stress out … we start where we are, and you are here choosing to make a shift to a more sustaining, supportive and nourishing life.

STEP THREE: Ask “What Do I Need to Receive Today” and Make Sure You Get It, No Matter What.

After you get your life force level number, do the super power self care practice of asking your Inner Wisdom the most important question you will likely ask all day:

“What do I need to receive today?” or just simply “What do I need today?”

Think about it, if you can’t ask for what you need, how can you expect anyone else to support you or even support yourself for that matter? Most of us end up in stress and overwhelm because we aren’t getting what we need, because our blueprint hasn’t been patterned to do so – until now!

Now here’s the scoop on getting through to your Inner Wisdom’s sage council.

• Keep your eyes closed, put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and ask the question to yourself.
• Keep breathing until the answer comes. It may come in a word, a sound, a picture, or a knowing.
• Whatever it says, you MUST make sure you receive that today. It can often be something simple like love, hugs, peace, a nap, a walk, a yoga class – it’s the simple but little things that make self-care happen and keep your energy tanks full. You don’t need to take off to Tahiti for 7 days or hire a personal chef to replenish.
• Whatever it tells you, listen, act and remember this all day long. If you find yourself getting crabby, cranky or feeling drained, remember what you need to receive and give it to yourself.

Note: If you haven’t been talking to your Inner Wisdom, it may at first not answer at all. That’s okay. Just make something up as your answer – something you want to receive that day. As you begin to show up for yourself, your Inner Wisdom will eventually start showing up for you. You may also choose to write it down on your hand or post it.

To learn more about the Super Power of Receiving & stop the burnout and overwhelm tune into this episode of Feminine Power Time, “Feed the Feminine First” with Christine Arylo  – listen to it on this blog or tune in on Itunes and subscribe.

Christine Arylo, MBA, is a women’s leadership advisor, transformational teacher and best selling author who works with women to make shift happen – in the lives they lead, the work they do, and the impact they desire to make. Marrying 20 years of business experience with 15 years of feminine & yogic wisdom training, Arylo illuminates how to lead and live a different way, the “feminine way” – professionally successful, internally empowered, and personally sustainable and satisfying. A powerful mentor and teacher known for her ability to translate deep wisdom into practical super powers, her programs on intuition, feminine power, and cultivating resilience, self-love and courage have reached over 35,000 students worldwide. She’s committed to working with emerging and established women leaders to awaken their full power and presence to lead the world and those they love and lead to more a more sustainable, compassionate and equitable world for all. Arylo is known for her powerful and real presence that inspires personal and social transformation. And for her stand for sisterhood and what is possible when women come together, drop their masks, speak from their hearts and truly support each other. Christine currently lives on an island off the coast of Seattle, where she is working on her fourth book: “Overwhelmed and Over It: Why It’s Not Your Fault and How to Find the Power To Change It.” Learn more about Christine at www.ChristineArylo.com and learn more about her Feminine Power Time Podcast at www.FemininePowerPodcast.com.

Image courtesy of bruce mars.