I have never been the popular girl. Whether in my early years of high school, college, career or even now, in my early forties. Please do not get me wrong…I love attention! (That comes from being an only child and the self-proclaimed apple of my parents’ eye). Yet, if I am not invited, included or seemingly desired, I will stand idly on the sidelines, looking to the happy faces of normal society in the game of life, and wonder why I am so….different.
I consider myself a chameleon; an introverted extrovert, if you will. When in the company of my intimate family and the truest of friends (which are rare), I can (and usually will) be the life of the party. However, when around acquaintances, a large crowd or even a smaller crowd I do not know well, I tend to feel paranoid, left out and not particularly wanted. It is a sad state of affairs because I know there are situations that these feelings are only in my head with no basis in reality.
On the other hand, being an empathetic individual, I can generally tell if things are anything but copacetic with those I see daily, or with any sort of frequency. People have often told me they thought I was standoffish, perhaps even a bit snobbish when they first met me. I assure you, this is not so. I am just a bit socially awkward. While it may appear I do not wish to fit in, I just have a much more elevated fear of standing out (in a less than positive way).
Those work or social lunches I am not invited to. They hurt. Those event dinners and happy hours where my devoted co-workers or friends seem to be having the best time, and I am sitting on the sidelines, waiting to be included. They sting.
I know my personality is not much different from countless others in the cosmos. Particularly if you are reading these words, you are likely a blogger, writer or author of sorts. Also, likely a somewhat private introvert that prefers to pour your heart out on paper rather than verbally. Therefore, this is for you…
The Oddball Girl’s Advice on Fitting in When Society Leaves You Feeling Left Out…
To the woman that has much to say…
In work meetings, on zoom calls, company lunches, PTA get-togethers, etc. yet imagines the judgy, impenetrable stares from her co-workers or fellow parents, so remains silent. You are not alone. Your words matter. Your stories matter. Your humor, laughter, opinion and everything that separates you from the herd…matters! Those vicious stares are likely full of jealousy and apathy. Rather than be hurt by the disinterest of your fellow man (or woman), consider it a green light of sorts. After all, any publicity is good publicity, right? If others’ did not feel envious of you, they would not care enough to dislike you.
To the single mom…
Who is doing her absolute best to raise her kids, work a fulltime job, attend all school and sports activities and still have somewhat of a social life in the lack of free moments that remain, you are important. You are worthy. You are necessary and loved. It may not feel that way by your co-workers, surface friends or business acquaintances, who assume you leave early to attend happy hours, get your hair done or go on random dates with men you met online. No, you have little assistance with your children, which means something has to give. At times, it is work. At other times, it is invaluable quality time with your children. Most of the time, it is your social life, but you really do not consider that a loss because you are far too weary to even think about social plans after the second, third and fourth shift that inevitably greets you at the end of every day ending in Y.
To the woman that has dreams, visions and aspirations of doing great things…
You are worthy! You are able! You were handpicked with a passion so intense that you were meant to achieve that which persistently calls to your creative senses. Do not let the naysayers, jealous and insecure relationships dampen your quest for greatness. These folks are simply sacred clowns which serve one purpose only: to frustrate you just enough to fight even harder for the dreams you hold so dear. After all, the one sure way to achievement, is someone voicing the negative: “You can’t”.
To the woman that longs to be a mother…
But cannot seem to get her physical body on board with her heart’s desire. The woman that cringes at pregnant strangers she encounters throughout her day and avoids baby showers at all costs. To that woman, please do not give up! There are so many avenues to motherhood. Some which society may not define as motherhood at all. However, to that woman, I say, rest in the peace of knowing if you care for another life, lovingly protect it as your own and selflessly provide the nurturing, enhancing, fulfilling love toward another living being, you no doubt possess the heart of a mother. Your time will come.
To the woman filled with bitterness, anger, jealousy and envy,
Please know this is a poison that will corrode your very soul. There is a much better way to live this life! Happiness begets happiness. Gratitude produces a gratefulness that seeps into your bones and spills out onto the numerous lives that cross your path. There is more than enough happiness, success and excitement to go around. Do not begrudge your fellow woman their season of joy. Celebrate her. Be happy for her. Know that your happiness will, in time, be translated to your own season of joy.
There is no shortage of winning on this planet. With a grateful heart, a hopeful mind and an encouraging nod toward others on your path, you are planting the seeds of growth, potential and fulfillment in your very own backyard. Your success will be applauded by the very specific individuals you invested your pride, genuine happiness and well wishes upon. So, do not hold your positive vibes ransom from others; someday, you will want those same wishes to flow freely upon your own fateful path.
Amannda Maphies has always gone by Manndi; and yes, it has two n’s. It is actually a perfect moniker for her as she’sa bit (more than a bit) zany, wacky, crazy and loves nothing more than to laugh at herself and share that laughter with others. Manndi works fulltime at the UMKC School of Pharmacy, has two boys, William (10) and Waylan (8). She loves to write so she recently started posting on Facebook about her daily adventures about everything from being a single mom of two wild and crazy boys to dating after divorce, to more serious topics such as the loss of a loved one and suicide awareness. She trie to infuse humor, relatability and a touch of inspiration into each of her pieces. One day, she will compile them for a memoir of her life. Manndi’s life motto is ‘live a life you would want to read about’ and she strives everyday to reach others with her words. She feels that you are only as happy as you choose to be and she CHOOSES happiness over all other emotions. She is honored to be featured in a publication named ‘Positively Positive’ because that is truly how she strives to live life.
Image courtesy of Chelsi Peter.
