I used to believe that my unmet longings were a punishment. The longings pushed downward to a small loneliness.
I healed some. I learned how to grieve career paths, friendships, partnerships, and children I wouldn’t be having. And, amazingly, grief brought me so much closer to being alive. Grieving for my faded dreams woke me up.
And so my longing started to point upward to my great, holy Aloneness, with a capital A. That kind of Aloneness is me making up my life, listening for cues from the Divine. “I” as “Creator.” My Higher Self at the center of my own mandala.
But Alone is still alone, and on days when I was low on resources, I’d still wonder if my unmet longings were a punishment for unresolved karma. Or was there something I was missing in the whole manifestation technique thing? Maybe… oh God, maybe I was longing for the wrong things? Could that be? Were my golden eggs not mine to hatch?
So I considered letting go of all my visions—going hardcore Zen Nun and want for nothing at all. (That’s ironically ambitious.) And I did some paring down of the “must haves” in my life. But mostly… eventually…
I decided to let go of my fear of judgment from God and monks I’d never met, and hold onto my visions.
Self-criticism and projected punishment is a lost cause. It’s such a wonderful thing to love your longings.
. . . . .
This poem, Bride of Fire, is my journey from the external authority punishment paradigm to knowing our Beloved nature. The line, “Why are you traveling alone, are you lost?” is inspired by the gorgeous music video for Florence + The Machine’s song, “St. Jude.”
St. Jude is the Patron Saint of lost causes.
. . . . .
Bride of Fire
– Danielle LaPorte
Descent
The year that I realized I was in the underworld
the man asked me, “Why are you traveling alone, are you lost?”
“No. I am healing,” I answered. “This is how it’s done.”
But really, I thought that my aloneness was a punishment.
Reckoning
The year that I had my bones slowly broken and reset one by one
the man asked me, “Why are you in the hospital alone, are you lost?”
“No. I am healing,” I answered. “This is how it’s done.”
I was starting to believe I was being reborn.
Rising
The year that I always danced by firelight
the man asked me, “Why are you dancing alone, are you lost?”
“No. I am healing,” I answered. “This is how it’s done.”
And I became certain I was the Bride of Fire.
Love,
Danielle
Danielle LaPorte is an invited member of Oprah’s SuperSoul 100, a group who, in Oprah Winfrey’s words, “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters.” She is author of White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path—from one seeker to another. The Fire Starter Sessions, and The Desire Map: A Guide To Creating Goals With Soul—the book that has been translated into 8 languages, evolved into a yearly day planner system, a top 10 iTunes app, and an international workshop program with licensed facilitators in 15 countries. Named one of the “Top 100 Websites for Women” by Forbes, millions of visitors go to DanielleLaPorte.com every month for her daily #Truthbombs and what’s been called “the best place online for kickass spirituality.” A speaker, a poet, a painter, and a former business strategist and Washington-DC think tank exec, Entrepreneur Magazine calls Danielle, “equal parts poet and entrepreneurial badass…edgy, contrarian…loving and inspired.” Her charities of choice are Eve Ensler’s VDay: a global movement to end violence against women and girls, and charity: water, setting out to bring safe drinking water to everyone in the world. She lives in Vancouver, BC with her favourite philosopher, her son. You can find her @daniellelaporte and just about everywhere on social media.
