How would you feel if you knew you were irresistible?
What if you could attract the exact right person into your life?
I often feel like I’m co-creating the content I share with you (so THANK YOU and keep writing, commenting and sharing!), and this week is no different as it’s a response to someone writing in to ask me how she could become irresistible in her dating life.
In this week’s video, I’m sharing my top eight tips on how you can become a master attractor in your love life. While some of these might seem counterintuitive…stick with me. This is likely not the average “dating” advice you’ve read or heard of in the past, but be rest assured, that the steps I’m about to give you can make all the difference!
Of course, I’m approaching this from a psychological standpoint, because that’s what I do, so I’m not going to give you advice on when to swipe right or left, how long to wait until you text or what to wear on a first date.
This is all about how you can raise your awareness, your self-knowledge, your confidence, and your clarity so that your confidence shines like a beacon of light for all to see.
Step 1: Your Love Blueprint
How you view romantic love and your own lovability has everything to do with what you learned growing up. Every family has its own cultural norms around love and marriage. I call this set of belief systems your downloaded “love blueprint.”
In order to understand the impact your Love Blueprint is having on your love life, you must get conscious of what limiting beliefs might be sitting in “the basement” of your mind, so to speak. I’ve included some questions to help you shed light on your self-regard and beliefs about love in this week’s cheat sheet, and you can download that right here.
Step 2: Your Repeating Romantic Realities
What relationship patterns might you be repeating that are keeping you stuck? This might or might not be in your dating or love life…these could be patterns in familial or friendship relationships as well. I give you an example from my own life in the episode this week, so be sure to watch it or listen in.
Recognizing and understanding any unconscious unhealthy patterns can set you free to attract what you really want.
Step 3: Knowing and Embracing What You Want
Time to dial into your heart’s desire. I’ve found that oftentimes, my clients were embarrassed or in denial of what they really wanted. I myself used to downplay how much I really wanted to find my person and be in a vibrant, deep, intimate relationship.
The Universe responds to the energetic vibe that you are putting out there. In order to attract what you want, you need to know it, embrace it and be able to feel the feelings of having it. Spend some time exploring what you really want from a relationship and from your amazing one-of-a-kind life. Daydream and feel it. Try not to put limits on yourself. Visualizing your desired results is a powerful aspect of creating the life you want.
There is no reason to settle for anything less than what you really want and that leads me right to my next point…
Step 4: Assert Your Boundaries Early and Often
Boundaries are your specific set of preferences, desires, needs and wants. They outline what is and what isn’t ok with you. Once you’ve gone through Step 3, you’ll have the clarity you need to communicate your boundaries to anyone who you might meet or start dating.
Asserting yourself early and often while dating is a total gamechanger. It means telling the truth about what you want and about how you feel. It means being brave enough and self-respecting enough to call someone out on something if they don’t keep their word or if they don’t do what they said they would.
In this way, you set yourself up for success and to be really, truly known. Whether it works out or not in the moment with the person you’re seeing, in the long run, this is how you put your true self out into the world…and that’s the only way to attract the kind of authentic love that lasts.
Step 5: Check Your Alignment
When you’re dating someone, do you ever stop to consider how aligned the two of you are? Do your preferences, desires, values, and goals line up or complement one another?
A lot of times if we have what I call “the disease to please” or are a “yes person” (which many, many of us are, I’m a recovering one myself), our boundaries can be super malleable. You might find yourself getting super dialed into the other person’s reality or what you think they want and lose sight of what YOU actually want.
This doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything…that’s not realistic. Being aligned also means being able to compromise. The only way to do that is to know what you want and communicate it clearly and then assess if the person across from you is doing the same.
Step 6: Pay Attention to Behavior and Words (Yours and Theirs)
Pay attention to the other person and pay attention to how they pay attention to you. Practice being a great, active listener, and take note if your date reciprocates (or not).
Do your own words align with your actions? Do theirs? Do they do what they say they’re going to do? Do you?
Being aware of alignment with words and actions is important because if a person can do this it indicates a certain amount of mental health or security in self. Aren’t you drawn to people who are confident and speak truthfully? Get committed to being open and honest in word and deed and look for those who are as well.
Step 7: Awareness of Family + Romantic History
Be aware of what someone’s view of their own family is. Do they have a terrible relationship with the people in their family because the family is super dysfunctional and they had to cut themselves off because the people were so toxic? Or is it something else? How do they speak about their family? How do they treat them?
Pay attention to the way they talk about their romantic history. If they characterize all of their ex’s as psychos or crazy…that could be a red flag. As I always say, when it comes to a relationship, it’s always a 50/50 dance. I promise you that if they talk badly about every single person they’ve been in a relationship with, there’s a common denominator (and it is most likely the person you’re dating).
Step 8: Fall Madly and Deeply In Love With Yourself
The last thing on the list to truly becoming a master attractor and to becoming irresistible energetically is to work to fall madly and deeply in love with yourself.
This means actually putting the energy into your mental health, into your relationship with you. It’s cleaning up your inner dialog and treating yourself with kindness and with love. The reality is that the relationship you have with yourself sets the bar for every other relationship in your life.
Ask yourself:
Do you have good boundaries?
How do you treat your body?
Do you sleep enough? Do you eat well? Do you move that beautiful body of yours?
Do you protect yourself emotionally and energetically?
Do you treat and pamper yourself in a healthy way?
These are all ways of loving yourself in a real way. When you fall madly and deeply in love with yourself, you give off a particular energy of confidence..that yes, you guessed it…is absolutely irresistible.
I hope that you liked this episode of The Terri Cole Show, inspired by a curious listener (again, thank you and keep those q’s coming!). If this was helpful to you, please share it on your social media platforms, because the more we can raise the awareness that self-love is the key to being a master attractor, the better!
Make sure to grab your Master Attractor cheat sheet, with your love blueprint and other great resources right here.
I also want to let you know that I am doing a free workshop series in September, starting on the 10th and I don’t want you to miss it! Boundary-Palooza is coming with three free workshops all about how to get to your boundaries on and communicate effectively! Click right here to save your spot (it’s free)!
I hope you guys have an amazing week falling madly and deeply in love with you and as always, take care of you.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.
