I am the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was. – Muhammad Ali
One of the biggest misconceptions I run into—and after twenty years of coaching, you can imagine, I’ve bumped into quite a few—is that humility is wholly honorable. No, you didn’t misread that—I typed “misconceptions.”
Just hear (or heed!) me out.
EAT BOLD FOR BREAKFAST
The word humility is defined by Webster, Siri, Alexa, and/or your mama as: a modest or low view of one’s own importance. But what if that isn’t always as noble as it might seem?
Yes, we’re taught to be humble at a young age, especially, if we’re particularly gifted, good looking, smarter, or better in some way than others. So most of us live our lives thinking that it’s more virtuous to be modest—and, from that lower and more humble state, we strive for perfection, bang on our chests, and ponder what more should or could we do.
We operate from humbleness rather than admit our own prowess.
I can’t tell you how many (fiiine, of course, I could but I won’t) brilliant humans I’ve met from Stanford grad students to MIT-ers to industry leaders who don’t really behave like they know they of course got an A (literally or figuratively) in whatever they do, as they are some of the best and brightest we’ve got. Or how about some crazy talented filmmakers who, in the face of applause, tears, and guffaws can, no matter how many awards they win, still somehow manage to chalk it up to luck that it turned out.
Instead, the terribly gifted humbly harp on where they are lacking or worry about what’s next, as opposed to truly, honestly and loudly understanding who they are, who they’ve always been, what they are capable of, and (here’s the kicker), what they are going to do about it.
You see, we humans wisely (and sneakily) like to stay in a paradigm of nothing’s ever enough, including but not limited to OURSELVES.
Far too frequently, we think AM I? and not the more daring and bolder statement that packs not only a punch, but responsibility: namely, I AM. @LaurenZander (Click to Tweet!)
DECLARE YOUR “I AM”
One of my favorite assignments I give to clients (read: and now you), especially those who I suspect highly question their higher selves and greater good, is to (once again) look at every area of their life––from the obvious areas, like career, body, and love to the more subtle areas like fun and adventure, spirituality, and contribution. Only this time, instead of write dreams for all of the areas, I have them figure out which areas they ask AM I?, cross their fingers, and hope and pray.
Anything but fully know and stand in their I AM.
After all, I AM is the lead-in for demanding what you want, standing that you already are something and, causing that very something., whether predictable or unpredictable. And the only way to make big things happen that are not predictable is to lose the question and commit to the stance.
Gulp is right.
But what comes first (the chicken or the ugh?) as you start to confront every which way you AM I? Whether it’s, AM I pretty enough, AM I cool enough? AM I talented enough? AM I the one to {fill in the blank}? You can start to see and feel it as the flinch it is.
If you indeed believe nothing you do is good enough or important or huge enough, well then, you’re a good person and you don’t really have to take a leap, do you? If you belittle yourself or even, mischievously consider yourself more lucky than gifted, do you really have to be accountable for it?
Drum roll. Answer: NOPE.
Don’t get me wrong. Being a great and humble human AND using your greatness for good, rocks. But when humility overrides your ability to know and experience who you are or fulfill on your mission? That’s where I tantrum. I mean, wouldn’t it be that much more fun to be a badass than a humble hope-r who works hard?
Answer: YEP.
GOT GUMPTION?
Truth is, I find it fairly fascinating that part of my job as a life coach is to teach humankind (or kind humans) GUMPTION. Only, not the Forrest Gumption kind, which is the spirited yet accidental kind, but true gumption: the straight up and shrewd resourcefulness kind. Yes, I get to teach some of the nicest, wisest, and even hugely successful, how to separate out their light.
Obviously, I (of all people!) am not talking about their laundry.
I’m talking about helping them clearly see their light––their I AM––as the gift it is, and getting much bolder about it. Not with Clorox, mind you. With Shout! Because in my humble (ha) opinion, our pure light is currently too damn humble and faded to change the world as urgently as it needs to be changed. And how can good possibly win if it doesn’t know itself?
It can’t.
So, ask yourself this: Where are YOU?
Do you think it’s more noble to live in I AM or AM I? And, while you’re pondering that, why not gump up and write your own I AM list. A list of what you are charging yourself with making happen in the New Year. A list that is way different than a humble, do-gooder AM I? list. This mission, should you choose to accept it, is the one where you (yes, YOU!) are in your rightful spot: at your life and luck’s helm.
With the world in an odd (to, literally, say the least) state, PLEASE hurry up and pick your lane. Do your deeds. And get loud. And, by all means, use your ‘gift.” If it sits stuffed on the mantle alongside a piece of humble pie (which, BTW, tastes like chicken), it won’t cause the change we’re all wishing for but still waiting to see.
Love,
Lauren
P.S. Here’s wishing each and every one of you a happy holiday season and New Year! If you’re wondering what area of your life needs a little TLC take our Current Reality Quiz to find out!
Lauren Handel Zander is the Co-Founder and Chairwoman of Handel Group®, an international corporate consulting and life coaching company. Her coaching methodology, The Handel Method®, is taught in over 35 universities and institutes of learning around the world, including MIT, Stanford Graduate School of Business, NYU, and the New York City Public School System. Lauren is also the author of Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap, Face Your Fears, Love Your Life (Published by Hachette Book Group, April 2017), a no-nonsense, practical manual that helps readers figure out not just what they want out of life, but how to actually get there. She has spent over 20 years coaching thousands of private and corporate clients, including executives at Vogue, BASF, and AOL. Lauren has been a featured expert in The New York Times, BBC, Forbes, Women’s Health, Dr. Oz, and Marie Claire and she is a regular contributor to Businessweek and the Huffington Post. Click here to schedule a 30-minute consultation with Handel Group.
Image courtesy of Darya Ivanchuk
