Ever notice how much easier it is to blame someone else in your life, for what is happening ‘to you?’ Oh come on…I know I’m not the only one! Welcome to Victimhood 101.

It was only a short year ago that I made the conscious decision to take accountability, and I mean REALLY take accountability, for everything reflected back to me in my life. I was a complete piss ant about most things, thinking that everyone else around me was contributing to any given situation, that was making me miserable. I mean, if so and so would only do ‘X’, then my experience would surely have been better. I would have perhaps been more satisfied, which meant I would have been happier. This was affecting all areas of my life, from work to relationships…and the list goes on and on!

Well, I had to call bullsh*t on myself. You see, when you are constantly rolling around in the energy of “Victim in the Hood” mode, you’re secretly cranked out. ALL OF THE TIME!

And why wouldn’t you be? You’ve just given away all of your creative power! It’s like energetically saying that everyone else controls your life. Um, hell no. When I was able to look at it from this perspective, I could begin to make changes.

First order of business:

You’re pretty much inherently pissed off, when you think someone else is running the show of your life. This is, of course, against your will and it feels like something is happening to you. This pretty much means a perceived boundary violation that might lead to aggressive behavior. AKA, you act like an ass. (This will probably only ring true to those still in the baby stages of learning boundaries, like me. But I like keeping it real.)

Second order of business:

On the flip side of being overly aggressive, is dipping into passivity. If someone can ‘treat me this way,’ then there must be something wrong with me. I’m not good enough, I suck, and bah, blah, blah. From this space, you can’t put down a boundary to save your life! Eventually, however, when you tire of kicking your own butt, you inherently go back to the first order of business, which is being pissed.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat. Get the Cycle? Ok great. So now what? You can either be a raving mad, overly aggressive jack ass or a mopey, self-deprecating passive jack ass? There has to be another option, right? Because both of the above serve nothing, except to make you feel like crap! And act like a jack ass.

Here’s the kicker in all of this – the only one really suffering here is you! Oh, the irony. A piece of advice here.

Most people act and make decisions based on THEIR reality, not because of you.@julee_karcz (Click to Tweet!)

I can hear all of the ‘but’s,’  really I can. I know it sure seems like something might be being done ‘to you.’ I dare you to entertain the idea, that perhaps your energy is just lining up with a person or situation, to help illuminate something you both may need to look at or learn from. That’s all. This also means you can’t change the other person. Yep, this whole thing is an inside job. It’s all YOUR energy anyway! (Disclaimer: This does not mean that if you are in a dangerous or extremely toxic situation, that you stay and work on your perspective. Nope – you get the hell out!)

Now for the juicy bits. I have actually found a space in between the two. I don’t have to be an ass anymore – yay for everyone. And do you know why? I have taken accountability for how my life goes down. I am no longer a ‘Victim in the Hood.’  

How to get out of the Hood:

1. Realize that YOU actually run the energy in your life! Unplug from every other person and situation and plug back into yourself and the Higher Ups (God, Universe or whatever you choose to call that entity bigger than you.) Really, I invite you to visualize this – there is power in it.
2. Life reflects back to you, exactly where you are. Take the pointers, learn and remember that you are the sole creator of your life. For example, I energetically create my schedule at work, not the lovely folks taking calls in the office. If my schedule is slow, I trust that is what I need or I dig in internally and visualize a busier day. Then I let it go. It would only make me miserable if I secretly am pissed because someone else is ‘making my schedule too slow.’ See the power give away? Don’t do it.
3. As you practice this, you’re gonna screw it up! That’s ok. How do you navigate this? Easy. This is where the magic lives –  go by how you feel in your skin. If you notice anger creeping in because you feel like something is happening to you, try to catch yourself. Feel mad, don’t act on anything and then regroup. Remember #1 and #2. Then, see if you can be in choice about how you want to feel in your body. It’s your experience after all. Thanks for teaching me that nugget, Renee Ostertag!

Hang out here for a second and take it all in, as this can be a little tricky to get. Actively deciding how you want to feel in your body will be your compass. You can choose to feel calm in your skin, rather than being angry.

This is not passivity, I promise. You’re not being ‘done to.’  It is after all your energy that is running your show! If you want to make a change in what’s happening outside of you, just go inside and redirect. You create it all anyway and can choose what you experience within yourself. This also allows you to put a boundary down if needed, from a stable place, rather than an aggressive or passive stance. This has miraculously transformed so much for me. And do you know who changed? Yep – you got it. Me! Practice this, then sit back and watch the trickle effect. Like I said, it’s magic! This life is about your experience in the body you happen to be in, during earth school this go ‘round. Why not create a good one and get out of the Hood?!

* The above is based on teachings by Paula Gerardi.

Julee Karcz is a physician assistant, artist, neophyte blogger and self-knowledge junkie.

Image courtesy of Craig Dennis.