I’m a self professed “to do list” junkie.
I’m also a Virgo, so it’s really not my fault. It’s kind of how we roll. We like to appear responsible, as if we have it all together. We are, after all, the sign of service. (FYI – we are full of crap. And those close to us know it.)
But, I digress. If something needs to get done, you can bet your sweet ass I’m going to pack it all into powerful list, with boxes to check off as I go! Kept in line, this is a great quality. You really do get sh*t done. Left to its own unruly devices, however, life turns into a freaking “to do list” that leaves you exhausted before you’ve even gotten out of bed in the morning.
My life is a service party. I. am. The List. I get up. I go to work and take care of patients all day. I unload the dishwasher. I pick up groceries for my upcoming BBQ, that I don’t really want to host because it feels like one more thing that I have to do. I feed the cat and shovel her sh*t. I eat a bag of microwaved frozen peas for dinner because I’m too tired to cook. Maintaining The List is difficult work. Seriously. Aren’t you tired just reading about it? Can you feel the joy?
My only saving grace seems to be travel. Want to feel alive, free and unencumbered? Want to vacate your life? Take a trip! After every exotic destination I’ve traveled to, like Disneyland, I have come home with a new perspective. There is always so much connection, synchronicity and juiciness, that I vow to never again treat my life as a “to do list.” I’m a new person! One who sees value in the freedom of spontaneity! Hot damn. I FINALLY get it. It feels so good to be free from service and from the vice grip of The List. YES!! Shackles off…for about a week.
Then, it’s back to the grind.
- Pull the weeds
- Groceries
- Target run (remember tampons/toilet paper)
- Clean the house
- Cat food
- Buy wedding gift for S & B
- Call tile guy
This is on top of working full time in a busy clinic, finding time for my spiritual practices, painting, laundry, maintaining my relationships, exercising…wait, have you seen the size of my butt? Exercise. Yeah, put it on the list. I’ll get to it.
With my time always accounted for, I feel like I’m in jail. I have become a slave to all of the things I place in front of myself to accomplish. And somehow, my worth is tied up in completing all the tasks on The List. I have to do it. But, where is there room for magic in this? Is there a different way? How can I change this? Can I change it?
And then it all changed. A miracle, literally. Between the teachings and meditations I receive in my spiritual practice and in working with a dear friend of mine who developed a Body Intelligence method for transformation, I had an epiphany. A quickening, so to speak. This is going to sound strange, but seriously, in a meditation, I was released from the burden of service. And somehow, it stuck. It changed me. Then I was introduced to my creative innards. THEY are what juice me! Not what I think I am “supposed to do” in this world.
I AM NO LONGER TIED TO SERVICE. I CAN LET GO OF THE TO DO LIST. IT IS NOT WHO I AM.
I am not here to serve. I am here to create. What? The creation is what serves. Not me. Huh?
Creators create creation creatively with creativity. Say that really fast ten times! However, this is the truth. We are the noun, the verb and the descriptor. It is all the same.
Where is this coming from? Divine intervention for sure, but I’m now different. Nothing has changed except the experience in my body and my viewpoint. It may all look the same from an outside perspective, but the intention underneath is different. Therefore, I experience it differently. And because of this, I am in creation and not in service.
I am in choice, not obligation. This is true freedom! @julee_karcz (Click to Tweet!)
I can’t explain or give anyone the experience of an epiphany or a quickening, so to speak. But I can tell you what I’ve learned from it. By the way, you are most welcome for me taking one for the team — happy to do it, really.
Here we go — Make a Create List, not a To Do List.
For Example.
To do list:
Pull the weeds
Do laundry
Buy groceries
Go to work and take care of patients
Call roofer
Clean the house
How do you switch up the intention to creating instead of doing? Remember, the creation itself will serve and do. Not you. Your only job is to create!
What I want to Create:
An outdoor environment that brings joy
Clean clothes to wear for dinner and connection with friends
Meals that bring my body nourishment
Creative interactions with my patients today
A home that provides safe shelter over my head
An environment with comfort and balance
The creation serves, not you! If you can dip into the energy and intention behind the things you want to create in your life, you will find more joy and levity. You will be in choice and not in obligation. You will create and not just do. With this shift, your energy levels will increase and intertwine with curiosity and innovation. Create your life creatively with creativity!! Or you may just miss it because you think you are here only to serve!
Onward! Create!
Julee Karcz is a physician assistant, artist, neophyte blogger and self-knowledge junkie.
Image courtesy of Kristina Paukshtite.
