“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that” – Robin Williams

Dear Stefi,

Today – you will find out that your twenty seven year old friend Harry took his beautiful life.

The shocking news will send shivers down your spine and bring tears to your eyes. You will feel a tightness in your body and be unable to speak for most of the day.

So many thoughts will rush through your head at once, including:

“I should have given him a shoulder to cry on.”

“I should have been a better friend.”

“I should have gone to more of his plays.”

“Why did I have to cancel on him last week because of work?”

You will think it is an April Fools Day joke ignoring the fact that April Fools Day was eighteen days ago.

Most of the day, you will sit at your desk at work in shock.

You will feel guilty for a million different reasons.

You will feel hurt that he never contacted you before taking his life to say goodbye.

You will feel sad that Harry will no longer brighten up your life with his flamboyant nature.

You will grieve, mourn and eventually feel better.

You will then look inside your heart and realise that Harry struggled with depression. You will appreciate that Harry was much like his hero, Robin Williams and that he tried his hardest to make people happy because he knew what it was like to feel worthless and sad.

Having watched another family go through the chilling suicide of a family member earlier this year, you will know too well that those left behind feel just like you do right now.

You will be a suicide survivor like them.

You will also have a permanent hole tattooed inside of your heart which is invisible to the world. This hole will be full of regret about what you could or should have done differently for Harry.

Like them, you will come to realise that Harry wanted to end his pain and that it was not your fault or choice. It was his.

You did not tie a rope around his neck.  You did not use scissors to slit his wrists. You did not force him to jump in front of that bus or train. You did not put as many drugs into his body as possible so he could overdose. You will never understand why he did it or why he did not ask you for help. All you will know in your heart which will give you some comfort is that he wanted to be free and now he is.

Some people will say that Harry took the easy way out – ignore them.

Harry would have wanted you to make people feel happy and empowered as he knew what it felt like to feel depressed on the inside.

Harry would have been the first to tell you to dry your tears and kick life right in the toush.

If you need a holiday, take it. If you need a break from your job because it is no longer serving you – do that. If you need anti-depressant tablets, take them. Do everything that you can to make yourself happy.

Life is too short to be miserable. @reclaimyourmagi (Click to Tweet!)

It is okay to feel guilty and sad that Harry is no longer here to brighten up your world because you are only human. Just do not let his death define you.

Depression is really a killer. Make sure you do your bit to empower people and to help them believe in everything they can be. There is pure magic in undying hope.

Just remember that you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

Harry will always be watching over you.

Love me xxx

Stefanie Costi believes that enthusiasm is a driving force to every story of success. She wants to be your positive energiser when your motivation levels are low. You can email her at stefanie.costi@gmail.com or contact her on Instagram, FB or Twitter.

Image courtesy of Zukiman Mohamad.