Lied to. Cheated on. Stabbed in the back.
Almost everyone will face betrayal at some point in their life. Whether it’s by a parent, partner, child or friend, when your trust is violated, it hurts. Often it’s accidental, sometimes intentional, though regardless of why or how it happened, betrayal can cause a major injury.
Some level of betrayal is almost unavoidable in any close relationship, because let’s face it, people make mistakes.
No matter when it happens there will be feelings of vulnerability, anger and hurt. You may wonder if you can ever trust again and how to move forward in your relationship and perhaps life.
#Betrayal : Will it leave you Bitter or Better? #YouChoose @Terri_Cole
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Trust is essential to creating and maintaining deep and meaningful connections; it is the foundation for healthy relationships. Rebuilding trust after betrayal is not easy and sometimes not appropriate. Regardless of what you decide to do after a betrayal, a more important decision might be, who you will be after a betrayal.
There is an opportunity in every crappy situation to understand yourself more deeply. I encourage you to reflect on situations where you feel you’ve been betrayed. Rather than focusing on what was done to you, consider your part in what went down.. For example, perhaps your gut told you not to trust someone and you did anyway. Or maybe you were betrayed a second time by the same person, and wish you had ended the relationship sooner. Or perhaps you just weren’t paying close enough attention and ended up getting ripped off. No matter what the case, looking inward at where you could have done things differently or how you colluded consciously or unconsciously can be a helpful exercise. This is not to lay blame or inspire shame, but simply to give you the opportunity to learn, on a higher level, from your experiences.
People come in and out of our lives for different purposes and periods of time. Everyone can be a teacher if you are willing to learn. Some lessons are more painful than others but all have the power to add to your evolution.
By processing a betrayal you are mining that experience for the gold it holds so you can let go of the rest.
Let me be really clear, I am in no way “blaming the victim.” (A phrase i dislike for so many reasons…but I will save that for another post.) I just know that our own evolution is dependant on becoming a true expert on ourselves by reflecting on our experiences and becoming curious about our motivation and participation. This kind of inquiry is invaluable to our health and growth from painful and joyful experiences.
If you’re looking to dive deeper on the issue of betrayal then be sure to check out my interview with one of my closest girlfriend’s, the brilliant and beautiful, Danielle LaPorte on my podcast, Hello Freedom. In this episode we break down the impact and upside of betrayal. Tune in for some incredible insights that may change your relationships and your life. To subscribe and listen CLICK HERE.
Have you been betrayed? If yes, tell me about it in the comments below. More important than what happened, tell me how you moved on. Your insights and ideas may inspire others going through it so please share. I always look forward to reading and responding to you.
Wishing you an insightful week, full of self-reflection and love, and as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love,
Terri
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Tune Up Tips and follow her on Twitter.
Image courtesy of thisisshane.
