I had a bad day a few days ago. As in a mini meltdown kind of day. The morning had been all but a write off and later on that afternoon I was on the subway train and all I wanted to do was cry. The tears were in my eyes but I wouldn’t let them take the journey. Yep. Me. The woman who writes about not suppressing. All I kept thinking was ‘You’re almost home, hang on – just hold it together until you’re there – hang on, hang on, hang on’.
Occasionally I’d glance down at the words written on the bracelet that is always wrapped around my left wrist. ‘Be Brave’.
I think I was afraid of what would happen if I started crying right there on the F train. I wasn’t so much worried about what people would think of me, I was more concerned that nobody would notice me. I already felt broken. I didn’t want to feel invisible, too.
So I held on. I pressed pause on my mini meltdown until I got home. Then I pressed play. My meltdown obediently resumed.
I continued answering emails and responding to comments on my Facebook page. Two people told me how fierce I was. I sat there with my mascara streaked face thinking ‘If you could only see me now’.
Here’s the truth bomb. I often feel just as vulnerable as I do fierce.
Truth bomb number two. My vulnerability and my fierceness are friends.
I truly trust that when we are brave enough to be vulnerable, we tap into an inner strength that fuels our fierceness.
One of the reasons I’m passionate about empowerment is because I wholeheartedly believe that when we own all of who we are, we invest in ourselves in the best possible way. When we empower ourselves we are quite literally telling our warrior hearts “I see you. I hear you. I love you”.
Behind every fierce female is a woman that had to fight to be seen.
I’m especially passionate about empowerment for women. We sisters tend to be extremely hard on ourselves. We try to be all things to all people and then we beat ourselves up when we think we’re ‘failing’.
Can we just give ourselves a break?
Most of the time I feel good about my life. Some of the time I don’t. It’s like the 80/20 rule for healthy eating. Fill up on all things good eighty percent of the time and let yourself have a chocolate marathon twenty percent of the time (or something like that). Same ratio applies to my fierceness/vulnerabilities. Most days I hold it down. Some days I don’t.
I will not deny any part of my character. I will not hide who I am. @SkylarLiberty
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Ok, so I held it together on the subway but I did allow myself to release the tears when I got home. Suppressing how I felt was short lived. I’m too far down the path of building higher self-esteem to put a block on my feelings for any length of time.
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One of the things that helped me enormously on my meltdown day was something that my friend Missy had written on a status update. She wrote:
‘Put your hand on your heart and remember who you truly are’.
Those words resonated with me so deeply. They were everything I needed to read at that moment. And so I did. I put my hand on my heart and I remembered who I truly was. I said a mantra over and over to myself:
‘I am enough. I am enough. I am enough’.
I was crying as I said the words. But I kept saying them. With my hand on my heart. ‘I am enough. I am enough. I am enough’. Feeling my life force pulsate through my fingers seemed to add credence to my words. I was reminding myself that I’m a human with a heartbeat. That I’m alive. That I’m worthy. My feelings are valid and so am I.
Sometimes fierce is about being bold and daring. Sometimes it’s the quiet, brave voice in our heart that speaks in a little whisper. Sometimes fierce is about strutting into the arena and facing the crowd. Sometimes it’s about softly saying ‘I made it through another day’. Sometimes fierce is about setting the world alight with our fabulousness. And sometimes it’s about putting our hand on our heart and remembering who we truly are. And telling ourselves, through our tears, that we are enough.
From my fierce vulnerable heart to yours. With love.
Skylar Liberty Rose is a writer and an empowerment warrior. She is the creator of Fierce Females which she established as a way of celebrating the female spirit and to encourage women to live to their full potential, rather than playing small. Having found her own freedom by releasing limiting beliefs, Skylar seeks to provide others with tools they can use to empower themselves. Chosen as one of the ‘Best 50 Women’s Empowerment Blogs 2015’ by the Institute for the Psychology of Eating, Skylar is passionate about stripping away layers of conditioning and instead discovering the unique truth within. Creativity is her meditation. She is inspired by courageous hearts and creative souls. She grew up in London and now lives in New York City with her husband. You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Google+ and via her website.
If you’d like a shot of fierce in your life or you know a sister that does, take a look at Skylar’s unique range of Fierce Female merchandise here. Get your roar on!
Image courtesy of Unsplash.com.
