Shortly after I graduated with my Masters from NYU, I moved back to New Jersey to be with my new husband, and his boys. Even though the town I was moving to was only ten miles outside Manhattan, I was afraid that I was going to feel disconnected and out of the loop with with my circle of friends. From the moment I moved to NYC my posse of women were my ever present team for support and sanity!

I know that I am not unique in my need for close female relationships. Women are natural bridgers and connectors. A landmark study conducted by Laura Klein and Shelley Taylor revealed that women react to stress differently than men. Stressed men tend to respond by removing themselves from the situation, fighting back or suppressing their emotions.  This study revealed that when women are stressed they seek out the comfort of other women or ‘tend and befriend’ as they named it. This illuminated the importance of female bonding and connectedness. Another study emphasizing the importance of friendships was conducted by David Spiegel who studied the survival rate of women with breast cancer. He found that those women who had a strong, supportive circle of friends outlived by many years their counterparts who lived in social isolation.

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A sense of belonging is a basic human need, just like food and water. Solitary confinement would not be considered a form of punishment if isolation wasn’t so powerful.

If you are without a like minded community and feeling alone please know what you are experiencing is not uncommon, though it is important that you take steps to find your tribe.

Lack of community can create feelings of anxiety and depression. Research has shown that people who participate in a community of like minded others are happier and healthier than those that don’t. Communities can provide support, motivation, connection and a place to be witnessed.

The internet has made it easier than ever to connect with others, all over the world. Finding people with similar interests can be as simple as typing in a few keywords to search. Even if you are geographically in the middle of nowhere, online summits, support groups, message boards and of course FaceBook are literally a click away.

Keeping yourself connected to others is a powerful and important part of self care. And it’s simple. So make connection a priority and as always, take care of you.

Love Love Love,

Terri

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Tune Up Tips and follow her on Twitter.

Image courtesy of Duncan Rawlinson.