January 2014. I was full of energy and enthusiasm about this brand new year. Until I got an email from my friend’s son in Vienna.

“Anne, she is passing away. She asked me to say goodbye to you.”

Cancer won.

And here I was, stunned.

Why hadn’t she told me anything? Sure, she had meant to tell me about her cancer. She had planned to talk about it when things would get better, when she could tell me that the battle was almost won.

She didn’t want to be the one who brings the bad news. She would tell me…later.

But everything happened so fast.

In the midst of my pain, I felt a surge of guilt.

How could I have let so much time go by? We used to visit each other every couple of years and keep in touch around Christmas once a year.

Suddenly, one year seemed like eternity to me.

I had spent the last twelve months thinking about her and wanting to call her.

But life always seemed to get in the way, and the soap opera of my daily hustle always gave me great excuses to do things…later.

I felt like a part of me was ripped off. I felt an immense sense of loss.

But I didn’t resist the pain. I let it invade me so I could finally be one with my emotions.

Once my eyes were dry, I celebrated.

I chose to celebrate because I loved my friend, and I would not let myself be knocked down by the agony of her loss. To celebrate was to honor her memory.

To celebrate a loss is to honor the memory of your loved one. @AnnesHealthyK
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I chose to focus on all the great moments we had shared, on the love, the laughs and the joy.

She had taught me a lot about professional cooking and baking. For the next few days, she was with me, in my kitchen, and we were cooking gulash (“add a dash of vinegar on the paprika so it won’t burn, Anne”), laughing and eating together.

I remembered her beautiful drawings, her visit and our trip around Spain when my son was little and called her “ika,” and other great memories.

In many countries I’ve lived in or visited, wise people say we should always take time to mourn our dead so we can be free of sorrow. Going through the loss of my friend, I felt they were right.

Celebrating her really helped me heal. And suddenly I felt lighter.

Now I was ready for the lesson.

My friend’s death was a harsh lesson that taught me like nothing else to be more present and to live in the moment.

Instead of thinking about calling her ten times in a year, it would have been much better to actually pick up the phone and talk to her.

Her loss taught me that living in the future doesn’t make any sense because our future is shaped by the actions we take right now and by the thoughts and emotions we have in the moment.

Now, every time I catch myself thinking in the lines of “I’ll be happy when…” or “I’ll do this when…”, I do my best to find out what I can do right now so I can get closer to my vision.

I focus on what I love and I do more of that every day.

I keep a list in my head of the people who truly matter to me, and I commit to connecting with them more often and spending more time with them.

Every time I have worries or negative thoughts about the future or the past, I remember that my life is now. There is only the present moment.

My friend is no longer with us, but she is in my heart forever.

I am so grateful for the lesson she taught me.

May my story inspire you to live in the moment and enjoy your life fully every day!

Now I’d love to hear from you. Did you have a similar experience with a person you loved? What did you do to get over the feeling of loss?

Anne Ricci is a multilingual mom of 2, nutritionist and soon to be dietician, who has lived, traveled and cooked in more than 40 different countries. Her mission with AnnesHealthyKitchen.com is to help women make healthy food choices, get cooking confidence and create a body they love. Join her community to get healthy eating advice and weight loss support, or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Image courtesy of Lee Scott.