I’m in the air heading home from Vancouver, which was amazing! It was so cool to see so many Positively Positive readers there and to meet and hug all of you guys. Can’t wait to see you in London and on the east coast again! Wow, having internet in the sky is still novel to me and makes me feel like a wizard.

I’m a word wizard up here, a magician in the clouds. Weeee!

Some days I am a vessel of ideas and words and firecrackers, and other days, a body in a chair, a body in the car, a body going through the motions.

I post on Facebook and say: I’m going to write a post from the plane. What should I write about? And acknowledge that I am distracting myself from writing my book. #Distractingmyselffromwritingmybook.

Someone suggests that I should write about the fear of flying.

What?! I am not scared of flying.

Not anymore.

Or so I thought.

I used to have heart palpations every time I was on a plane and there was turbulence. I thought for sure that my time was up.

This this happens: you start to fly more and more and one day you wake up and that fear is gone. Oh, the things we get used to! People dying. People leaving us. Flying! Wi-fi in the air! We can get used to anything.

(With time.)

I realize that I am scared still, of heights, of expanding past what I think I am capable of.

What am I afraid of, really?

These are all questions I ask myself as I buckle into my seat and get ready for take-off because once you are soaring there is little you can do to change what is behind you.

Even though I have spent most of my life thinking I can change the past, and alternately, living there.

Recently I was the guest speaker at Canyon Ranch (I gratefully do that three times a year) and this woman stood up in my workshop and said that she was scared of the dark. She was fifty-seven years old she said, and scared of the dark. She told the room how she came a day earlier than her group so that she could challenge herself to stay in her room all night with the lights off. After the workshop, she came  up to me and said that when her husband was in the room or her kids, she was not afraid. She said, “So, maybe I am not really afraid of the dark? Maybe I am afraid of being alone?” And my arm hairs stood up.

The next day, there was a note by my (pot of) coffee (yes, I drink a lot of coffee) which said: Dear Jen, That was the best workshop ever! I had the best night of sleep in my whole adult life. I will see you at your Tuscany retreat.” It wasn’t signed. I had no idea who it was from until I bumped into her. She had slept the whole night with the lights off. Soundly.

What did it? I think having the courage to face what the fear was really about combined with sharing bravely in a room.

Isn’t it amazing how much less power fear has over us once we decide to tackle it head on?
@JenPastiloff (Click to Tweet!)

So where is my book? I write daily. (Okay, maybe not daily.) Where is my book? I write blog after blog but my book is the the “thing in the sky” I am scared of. Like that woman was “afraid of the dark.” My book is the dark.

What if I write it and …? There are a million ways to finish that sentence.

What if I can’t finish it?

All the what ifs are like turbulence and here I am up in the air trying to balance a cup of coffee. It keeps spilling and I have to refill.

What if I tell the story of who I am and they see me?

Who is “they”?

The fear of flying is so great that it sometimes keeps us grounded. Wayne Dyer has this great saying which goes something like: Flight wasn’t discovered by contemplating the staying on the ground of things.

So why are we so scared of flying in our lives?

I think it boils down to death. We are scared we are going to die. We are going to crash. (It feels somehow blasphemous to be writing about crashing and death while sitting on a plane.)

Let’s break it down?

How can I crash with my book?

I can expose myself. I can write a flop. People might hate me.

Okay, there’s that.

So what?

I need to do it anyway. My calling (I imagine a deli and a man behind the counter calling my number) is to be a writer. A connector. A communicator. A truth-teller. A beauty hunter. All of it.

I use yoga to get my people in the room at my workshops. I also use writing. I use whatever I can, whatever method I can travel by. Sometimes, in NYC, I take the bus. Look, I will get there how I need to get there unless my fear of flying debilitates me so much that I stay locked in my room playing on Facebook.

Why are we scared of success? Why do we need to apologize for it? (Read: me.)

This I know: I am here in the sky in a chair and I am ready to tell the story of who I am.

I am not scared of this plane crashing oddly enough, just of my own light. And why is that scary?

It comes down to worthiness.

I am a writer. I am flying. Look, I haven’t crashed yet. It’s only my fear of it which is keeping me filled with anxiety white fingernails.

Is the fear real?

You tell me.

I will tell you this. All of my fears originate in my mind which is a breeding ground for trouble. I love my mind but I will be damned if I have it control me and my piloting skills.

I am flying this motherf*cking plane.

P.S. Post below what you are afraid of. Watch the support that comes your way!

I will see you next month (Feb 14th) in London! Followed by NYC, Princeton, Atlanta, Philly (April), Dallas, Chicago etc. All workshops listed here. I am also doing my annual retreat to Kripalu in The Berkshires of Massachusetts in Feb as well as two (Two!) Tuscany retreats in 2015, which are both almost full. My retreats/workshops are Not your typical yoga thing-a-majigs. They combine yoga and writing and you do not have to have any yoga experience. Just be a human being with a body. But mostly with a heart! Read this to “get it.”

All info here or email info@jenniferpastiloff.com. Make sure when we meet you tell me that you are from The Positively Positive tribe! xoxo Love you guys! Come hang with me on instagram at @jenpastiloff as that is where I am most days!

Jen will be leading a New Year’s Manifestation Retreat: On Being Human in Ojai, California. All retreats are a combo of yoga/writing and for ALL levels. Read this post to understand. Check out manifestationyoga.com for all retreat listings and workshops to attend one in a city near you (Dallas, Miami, South  Vancouver, NYC & London are next). Jen is the guest speaker 3 times a year at Canyon Ranch and leads an annual retreat to Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health every February, as well as an annual invite only retreat to Tuscany. She is the founder of the popular The Manifest-Station website. Jen is leading Other Voices Querétaro in Mexico with authors Gina Frangello, Emily Rapp, Stacy Berlein, and Rob Roberge in May . Follow her on Instagram and Twitter. You can also find her at BeautyHunting.com.