This week there has been a flowing conversation that continues to come forth in every area of my life. The subject has come up in my personal inner life, in conversations with people and on news feeds on Facebook. When certain things continue to pop up in my life like this, I tend to pay attention. I take it as life’s way of whispering subtly yet loudly “Learn from me. Look here…There is a lesson here for you”

The conversation was around several things. Some of these themes have been:

• The fear of vulnerability in relationships
• The unique threshold to receive love that every person has to give
• How to manage the fear of “falling in love or releasing control in general”

The conversations spoke of these themes around romantic relationships in particular, but in reality it can be applied to every area. For the sake of this article we will focus on the romantic relationships component.

So..have you every noticed that as you start to fall for someone, some fear eventually comes up? Either in the beginning or when things start to get really serious. “In every type of falling we experience a letting go of control” (quoted from my friend Stephanie.) When we feel like we are losing control we attempt to do things to gain our control again. Although sometimes as we attempt to gain control we push away love or intimacy because of our fears.

Lets face it, it’s scary to let go. It’s scary to let yourself be truly loved. And as my friends and I started to discuss, everyone has a different threshold for how much love we feel comfortable receiving, and once we hit that point we begin to freak the heck out. We feel unsafe and our demons and fears start to creep up. That’s when we subconsciously start to do mean things to people, projecting our fears and hurting our partner or potential partner. Because quite literally we feel like we can’t take the love.

We fear we can’t trust ourselves if we let go. The point in awareness then becomes how we can manage to let go yet still trust ourselves enough to not lose ourselves in the waters of emotions. With letting go there comes GREAT responsibility, as my friend Steph mentioned to me as we chatted. And how true is that?

Letting go sounds sweet and amazing but there is responsibility in letting go.

So the trick is to expand our capability to receive love and bring the unconscious ways we block love to the conscious level. In addition, it is wise to take it slow and take baby steps in being able to trust yourself. As you begin to let go and expand your threshold to receive love and intimacy in the way that you truly deserve.

There is something amazing about letting go and about allowing ourselves to be loved. But there is a reality around fears that come to the surface that we must tend to. This reality is around how much love we can handle. Are we brave enough to receive this tremendous love? Fact is, we all grew up with different upbringings that all influence our ability to receive love and trust letting go.

Notice the ways you fear letting go. See if there are any behaviors that you do when you feel you are letting go of control or when you feel you are “falling” for someone. And try to expand your threshold to receive love. Try to pour more authenticity and love in the experience instead of allowing your fears and demons to run the show.

Practice saying thank you when you receive a compliment.

Practice tuning into your body as people give you love. Imagine yourself opening your arms, and soaking and dwelling in that place of love.

Give yourself permission to be loved. @CosmicChristine (Click to Tweet!)

Repeat the mantra “I am safe, and I open up to being loved. I am safe here.”

Does this resonate with you? I would love to hear from you in the comments below.

With Fierce Love,

Christine

Christine Gutierrez is a psychotherapist, advice columnist, speaker, author, poet, and founder of CosmicLife.com, an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, retreats (both live and virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. “Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. She has been featured in TimeOut NY Magazine, Latina Magazine as “The Future 15: The Healer,” Yahoo Health, Ebony Magazine, Cosmopolitan for Latinas, The Conversation, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ricki Lake, Lifetime TV, and more. You can also follow Christine on Twitter and Facebook. Grab a a free worksheet on How to Break Free from Self-Sabotage in Love+ Relationships by signing up here: www.fiercelovefiercelife.com.

Image courtesy of Ashley Rose.