Have you ever sent a difficult email or had a tense conversation, and afterwards you thought, “Even if he/she hates me for it, I’m glad I said it. I’m glad I spoke the truth.”?

I call that The Zone of I’m Willing to Lose You…

It’s the place where wanting to be liked and pleasing everyone else falls way down on the priorities list, and racing to the top is clear, honest Truth.

And in that zone, you’re strong and righteous (in the non-smarmy kinda way.) You’re feeling sexy and worthy of a whole lot. Sure, maybe you’re a little bit nervous too, but generally, you’re feeling goooood.

And then the voices start…

Let’s call them Spiritual Douchebags. They start saying stuff like:

Actually… a really spiritual person would have said it much more lovingly.

Actually… a really spiritual person would have given her a break – she’s going through a rough time.

Actually, a really spiritual person would be meditating right now and wouldn’t have had the time to send an email like that.

This is the lie that the Spiritual Douchebags are hoping you’ll buy into.

The lie is that if you’re really spiritual, other people’s hurtful words and behavior will roll off your back like water, every single time.

Or at least that you will forgive every unkind word or thoughtless action and move on immediately, because you’re spiritual – nothing hurts you, right?

Um, no.

It doesn’t work that way.

Cultivating a spiritual practice doesn’t mean that you’re now equipped to easily endure mistreatment or unkindness.

It means that you know your power is in your connection to Source, God, your Higher Self (or whatever you call it.)

It means you have the strength to tell the people you love (and sometimes, total strangers too) that you don’t like the way they are treating or speaking to you.

It means that instead of being the dainty little girl who plays nice all the time, you drum up the courage to firmly say No, to create a much-needed boundary or maybe, to walk away from a relationship entirely.

Building a spiritual practice doesn’t mean you’ll never cry again. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel confused or doubt your choices. It doesn’t bring an end to pain or disappointment.

You will still get hurt.
You will still be disappointed.
You will still get your heart broken.

The difference is that when those tough moments appear, you’ll remember: you have the power to move through them.

When you’re feeling weak or uncertain, that is the prime time to lean on your spiritual center. Let yourself sink back into it, deeply. Wrap your fingers around it and hold on tight.

Your faith is what takes you to The Zone of I’m Willing to Lose You. @AnnikaMartins
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And let me clarify: Being in the zone doesn’t mean that you want to quit the job or end the relationship – maybe you don’t.

It means that IF quitting that job or ending that relationship is what is required for you to live a fully conscious and authentic life that is aligned with your soul’s truth, then you are willing to do that (even if it hurts).

We can be spiritual AND decisive.
We can be spiritual AND establish boundaries.
We can be spiritual AND say “No” without apology.

And there’s nothing shameful or un-holy about it.

Love,
Annika

Annika Martins is a spiritual curator, which is kinda like being a museum curator. Except instead of curating paintings, she curates spiritual practices. Like art, meditation, dance + self-touch (oh yah). And she’s curating a roundup of her favorite spiritual seekers for a one-of-a-kind spiritual conference in 2015. See the Sacred. Your way. It’s all going down at AnnikaMartins.com. You can also find Annika on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Image courtesy of Brent Danley.