“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I can’t remember the age I was when I was first asked that question but I’m fairly certain that my answer wasn’t “A-writer-come-yoga-teacher-come-street-photographer-that-does-admin-work-to-pay-the-bills.”

And yet, here I am.

For some reason, our society likes us to choose a career and stick to it. We are raised to believe that if we flit around being a jack of all trades then we will be a master of none. It’s not considered wise to stray too far from our chosen path or else we may be regarded as being less worthy somehow, credited with less value. After all, surely if we were really talented in a particular field then we wouldn’t entertain the idea of experimenting with possibilty elsewhere?

Does that really ring true though?

It’s been a few months since I taught yoga. The longest period of absence since I completed my teacher training. I’d started to feel a little disconnected with teaching and I couldn’t seem to give myself enough head space to gain clarity on what exactly wasn’t working for me and what I might need to do in order to fix it.

After a period of teaching in Cyprus I realised that I was falling out of love with what I was doing. Teaching numerous classes a day meant that what had once felt like freedom, all of a sudden started to feel monotonous. It had been my goal to teach yoga full time yet as I approached the likelihood of my dream manifesting, I suddenly found that I wasn’t quite enjoying it. The expected sense of gratification I’d anticipted was eluding me. I believe there may be certain roles that can be carried out as part of going through the motions. Teaching yoga, however, is not one of them.

It was a big decision to renounce my classes. I worried that stepping down may be viewed as quitting and although I felt that I needed some breathing space of my own, I was afraid that being out of the game might mean that I had less opportunity of rejoining it at a later stage. I didn’t want people to think I was less credible as a teacher because I wanted some time out. Yet how could I continue to teach when I wasn’t truly identifying with my role?

I took the plunge and and cancelled my classes.

Within days of making my decision I was in the midst of a creative surge that had been absent for some time. I found a renewed passion for writing and photography and I felt lighter somehow. I realised that I had been stuck in a self made rut and that the pressure I had put on myself to stick to one solitary path had sucked the creative energy out of me in other ways.

It didn’t make me less of a teacher because I wasn’t standing on the mat directing asana. It just made me more authentic as a student because I was practicing my own philosophy of living my truth.

I found that the time I used to spend on planning classes and studying in-depth anatomy was now free for me to really review what yoga meant to me. I had a chance to recover from the ‘I must have my photo taken whilst striking a yoga pose in different locations’ syndrome. I was able to let go of the frustration that I couldn’t quite cut the more dynamic asanas like others I saw oh so effortlessly gliding between the postures. I stopped a fifteen year habit of sucking my stomach in that had only increased since I’d started teaching because I thought how awful it would be for my students to see that I didn’t in fact have washboard abs.

I waited to miss teaching. I waited to feel a void that the absence of guiding students may have left in me. I waited to feel less fulfilled, less focused.

Those feelings never came.

What did come was more opportunity to experiment with other avenues. I was able to let my writing flourish in a way that it hadn’t quite been given the chance to do so before. I suddenly had more insight into what I wanted to do rather than what I felt I was meant to be seen doing.

Yoga teachers tend to be put on a pedestal. People believe that we are privvy to a spiritual enlightenment that others seek but haven’t yet found. Whilst I believe that may be a truth for some, it certainly isn’t the case for me. I’m still very much finding my way. It’s actually a relief to be in a place where I can say out loud that I’m not sure what stage my own practice is at. In fact, it makes total sense to me that my practice (and teaching) need to change, as I do. They need space to sit at the crossroads and make a decision on which way is next.

I’m continuing to take some time to think about those next steps and how I want to pull together what I love to do. I feel like I’ve taken a burden off by just allowing myself the opportunity to re-discover who I am now as opposed to who I may have been once before. I know I need this time to re-evaluate so I can move forward with intention rather than habit. I believe my journey with yoga will continue, but in a different way. I want to use this interval to explore, to notice, to really feel what makes sense to me.

Perhaps I will conclude that yoga will be an element of my teaching rather than my complete centrepiece.

© Skylar Liberty Rose

I want to honour the multiple parts of who I am. All the different layers. I want to allow myself to be the flawed colourful creature that I actually am rather than the refined version that I sometimes feel sewn into. Can I be spiritual and swear? Damn right I can. My rules. And yes, I can break them anytime I want.

There is a very common mis-conception that if we wander we are lost. That if we change direction, we are adrift. Yet unless we investigate what lies beneath our safety net, how are ever to allow ourselves the opportunity to discover our unrealized gifts.

I’m not afraid to break the mould. In fact I want to break it. Into a million shattered pieces. I want to be free from limitations that dictate that I have to stay static, that I have to choose a path and stick rigidly to it. I want to move with fluidity and not feel weighed down by my choices. I want the essence of who I am to seep through the cracks of constraint.

I want to feel alive. @SkylarLiberty (Click to Tweet!)

I don’t believe we always need to know exactly where we are headed. Sometimes I think it’s good enough just to know where we don’t want to re-visit. Can’t the rest just be exploratory? If we know how the adventure ends then is it still an adventure?

I want to find my heartbeat in the vibrancy of what I love and in the depths of what I fear. I want to turn my world the other way around to see if I like the new angles and different landscapes.

We are not lacking as people just because we dare to dream of more. We live in an abundant world of options and possibility. There are enough words, there is plenty of music and we will not run out of love.

We can be inspired by more than one book, we can be affected by more than one movie and we can absolutely choose more than one career.

Skylar Liberty Rose is a big believer in the healing power of creativity and the freedom found in living your truth. She is a writer, street photographer and yoga teacher with an emphasis on manifesting dreams through action and visualisation. Skylar is an advocate of stripping away layers of conditioning and instead discovering the person you are truly meant to be. She is inspired by souls with spirit and courageous hearts. She is currently living in London, and about to move to New York City. You can follow her on Twitter, FB, and her blog.

Image courtesy of Leon Cato.