I have a tendency to make decisions quickly.

I’m quitting my job and going back to school.
I’m never eating that again.
I’m moving to another country.

But in the days, weeks and even months leading up to the moment of my decision, I am often a ball of mushy confusion.

Should I? Shouldn’t I?
Is he The One?
Will I really love this career path in 20 years?

Hemming and hawing. Back and forth.

Unsure of pretty much… all of it.

It’s okay to be uncertain. What matters is how we talk (to ourselves + to others) about our uncertainty.

Looking back on my biggest times of confusion, I see now that the more I answered people’s questions by awkwardly shifting in my seat, or feebly murmuring “I dunno,” the more I really didn’t know.

When you are ashamed of your Confusion, you are stuffing yourself into the victim box.
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Confusion shame creates an atmosphere of helplessness around you.

It has you believing that simply because you are confused about one (or several) decisions, you are somehow less worthy or less smart or less ‘together’ than everyone else on the planet.

You don’t feel powerful in this state. You don’t feel capable.

You don’t see that your confusion is temporary – and a natural part of being human.

My own confusion shame shifted dramatically when I changed the way I talked about being confused.

I started to say “I haven’t figured it out yet,” or “I’m working on sorting that out,” or “I’m still deciding,” and well… that language lifted my spine.

There is momentum in words like that. Possibility. They affirm that movement is happening. However quickly or slowly, you are moving.

That kind of language is determined and faithful. It reflects a belief that I am going to figure things out, move forward and make it happen, somehow – even if I have absolutely no clue what that ‘somehow’ is, right now.

**Big, important note here:

We should never ignore the truths of a situation.

I’m not at all suggesting that you should try to psyche yourself into clarity, or give others the impression that you’re feeling strong and composed when you’re not.

This isn’t about false bravado. It’s about being conscious and discerning.

We define our lives by the ways we choose to talk about ourselves.

There is a huge energetic difference between messages of I dunno vs I don’t know YET.

Context = lifted. From helplessness to energized possibility.

So the next time you find yourself about to say “I dunno,” try this:

1. Is it true? Are you giving others (and yourself) the impression that you’re confused when really, you’re not?

2. If it’s true, and you really don’t know what you’re going to do or what you want, throw a “yet” on there.

Remind yourself (and the Universe) that your door is open, inviting clarity to come through, when she’s ready.

She is on her way.

Love,
Annika

Annika Martins is a spiritual curator, which is kinda like being a museum curator. Except instead of curating paintings, she curates spiritual practices. From prayer and eyes open meditation to surfing and self-touch (oh yah!), pack your curiosity and prepare to expand your definition of what’s high and holy.

See God. Your way. It’s all going down at AnnikaMartins.com.

You can also find Annika on Facebook, Twitter (@annikamartins) and Instagram.

*Image courtesy of Jared Cherup.