There is this bogus notion that we must be perfect to be accepted, to be loved, to be cool, to be sexy, to be desired, and the list goes on.
I call bull-poop.
The truth is that I have never met anyone who’s “perfect.”
We are humans with human qualities and that, quite frankly, makes us messy, sometimes irrational, emotional crazy little creatures.
You can’t take enough self-help courses and personal development workshops. You can’t get enough surgeries to ever be “perfect.”
Perfection comes in accepting non-perfection. Sexy is being you.
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The spiritual idea here is accepting both our divinity and our human-ness. So the traditional idea of perfect, we can never attain. But we can attain a new idea of perfection, which is accepting that, amidst the chaos of being human and making mistakes, you are still divine. Peace, then, is found in accepting the perfectly un-perfect you.
This topic tends to come up often with my clients when discussing wanting to be more attractive to a potential romantic partner. The pressure and anxiety rises. They begin to go frantic, looking at books and other successful people they deem to “have what they want,” and they try to collect “how to be sexy” data and copy it in attempts to get it “right.”
That anxiety and approach of looking for validation from the outside comes up short. Because the approach is just as important—confidence and sexiness can’t come from going nuts and trying to copy others or be perfect. There is nothing happy or healthy about that—or attractive. It, instead, becomes a short-term and unsustainable plan for happiness.
So what’s a more healthy and pathologically savvy way?
- Sit with you. Figure out what’s blocking you from being you.
- Do the things that make your heart sing.
- Smile.
- Tune in to what makes you uniquely you. There is only one of you in this entire universe. How divine is that?
- Begin to explore your story and fall in love with and see the beauty and the purpose in all parts of it—even, and especially, in the heart-breaking parts.
- Honor all of your attributes—not just the cute, happy, put together parts. Honor your crankiness, your sassiness, your shy awkwardness.
- Accept it all.
Accepting all the parts of you is where it is. Remember, true sexiness and confidence is being authentically you.
And trust me, there is nothing more attractive to a potential romantic partner than a person who accepts they are not perfect and just loves themselves anyway. A healthy person wants a real person. So skip the fake and the attempt to be perfect.
The new cool is simple: be you.
Lets begin to celebrate our unique qualities here and now. Share in the comments below one quality you have struggled to accept but realize is you and perfect anyway!
I’ll go first. I am spicy sometimes and can get super emotional and needy. I honor it and love it up because I understand that, too, is where all my deep compassion and love comes from, and the spice is my tough side, and there is nothing wrong with a little sass. I accept me.
Your turn. Can’t wait to see what you all share!
With Fierce Love,
Christine
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Christine Gutierrez is a psychotherapist, advice columnist, speaker, author, poet, and founder of CosmicLife.com, an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, retreats (both live and virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. “Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. She has been featured in TimeOut NY Magazine, Latina Magazine as “The Future 15: The Healer,” Yahoo Health, Ebony Magazine, Cosmopolitan for Latinas, The Conversation, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ricki Lake, Lifetime TV, and more. You can also follow Christine on Twitter and Facebook.
*Image courtesy of deeplifequotes.
