Prior to that day, I had given up on my Life’s Dreams and Desires. I thought my life was over, done, finished—except for the things I was absolutely required to do, like going to work, making sure my daughter finished high school, paying my bills.

I hadn’t always been so sour and hopeless, so resigned. I had been an optimistic, happy dreamer for most of my years. I had dreams and plans, hopes and desires. I loved my life.

But then Life changed. And I thought, and even prayed, that my part in it was over.

Four years prior to that decisive day on my porch, my precious son, Ben, died. At the age of twenty-one, he left us—mother, sister, brother—here grieving and broken. I couldn’t bear to go on with my own Life plan when my son didn’t have the same opportunity.

I thought surely that a loving God would let me die, too. But he didn’t.

Everyone who loved me had told me that I had to go on and that Ben would not want me to spend the rest of my life grieving. They told me that he would want me to be happy, to move forward. They said it was my duty, my obligation to myself and to his memory as well as to his brother and sister.

And so it was on my fiftieth birthday that I realized I wasn’t going to die—not anytime soon. According to statistics for healthy, Caucasian women, I would probably live another twenty-eight years whether I wanted to or not.

I realized it was my choice to make the rest of my life count for something. It was my choice to either enjoy my extended years or to waste them.

I could continue to curse the darkness, or I could choose to light a candle.

I realized that when my Life’s race is run, I don’t desire a crown, a trophy, or a blue ribbon as my reward. I want a white ribbon with “PARTICIPANT” emblazoned across it.

I lit a candle, and I made my Bucket List.

Because I was entering my fifty-first year of life, I put fifty-one items on my Bucket List. These were things I intended to accomplish in my fifty-first year. The list included things I needed to do, wanted to do, and longed to do.

And, by god, I did everything on that list. I accomplished my goals slowly, consciously, haltingly, painfully.

Some actions were very small: get a manicure, sort through my books and give some away, clean out my closet.

Others were huge: finish my children’s book, leave my landlocked hometown and visit Big Sur.

It hurt like hell to get back in the race, but I did it anyway.

Now, each year on my birthday, I make another Bucket List. The List includes both the big and small: travel to Costa Rica, get a good haircut, attend a T-ball game, read ten good books.

The first year of the Bucket List, I:

•  Flew alone on an airplane for the first time ever
• Drove up the California coastline to Big Sur
• Let someone else paint my fingernails
• Gave away all my old clothes
• Made a scrapbook
• Read fifty-one books

And oh, so many other things.

Following the items on other Bucket Lists, I have:

• Zip-lined over a Costa Rica valley
• Chosen a paint color for my bathroom and painted it
• Planted a butterfly garden
• Eaten fresh vegetables from my own garden
• Read a book (or a hundred) to my grandchildren
• Passed out candy at Halloween

And oh, so many other lovely things.

This year, my Bucket List has fifty-six items to do. So far I have:

• Gone on a road trip with my daughter
• Witnessed the birth of my new granddaughter
• Rocked the new baby to sleep
• Written articles for my oldest son’s newspaper
• Planted a rose bush
• Watched my grandson and granddaughter play T-ball

And oh, there are so many more lovely things left to experience.

It is my duty and my obligation to do the things I can and experience all that my Life has in store for me. I honor my own Life and the lives of my children and grandchildren in this way.

Making a Bucket List gives me clarity and inspiration. It gives me hope. I still grieve, but I move forward, sometimes with joy, sometimes with pain.

I will continue to make a Bucket List for each year that I have ahead of me. And, by God’s grace, I will do everything on the List.

GalTime.com is an online magazine with one simple mission: to empower and entertain women. GalTime is founded on the belief that every article and video we publish should help women lead happier, healthier, more informed lives. GALTime content is derived from a large network of contributors who are a unique combination of highly respected and often award-winning experts in their own fields, and well-established bloggers who have created powerful social and viral networks.

*Photo by robgiampietro.