Quitting did not come naturally to me. Achievement-obsessed academia trained me to push, push, push on through. It took the better half of my life, but hallelujah, eventually, I saw the light.

I discovered The Grace of a Good Goodbye. The relief was sweet indeed.

Here are some notes I’ve collected on the subject of quitting along the way:

1. The season of Goodbye is neverending.

There’s a myth out there that says if you attend enough personal development workshops, hold enough yoga poses and bang through enough drum circles, you’ll clear away all the old, unhealthy gunk and be done. The purge will be over and you will be completely pure.

Apparently, there are some enlightened masters who say this has happened for them. More power to ‘em.

For most of us though, I don’t think this is how it works. For most of us, saying goodbye to one bad habit or unhealthy relationship frees up energy to… notice another thing we need to say goodbye to.

These aren’t always grand, life-altering farewells. It might be a relationship that you’ve outgrown or it might be a pair of shoes that needs to go meet its friends in the Graveyard of 80s Fashion.

Whatever it is, there’s almost certainly something hanging around with a Past Due sticker plastered all over it.

Removing the things that no longer serve us is a neverending process. It doesn’t stop after you attend your second Tony Robbins seminar. It keeps on going.

2. Sometimes throwing in the towel is the only way out of the fire.

Many romantic comedies promise that if you are patient enough and wade through enough high-pitched drama, eventually you’ll get your picket fence happy ending.

Business writers celebrate the entrepreneur who barely kept the lights on for the first three years of their company, and then suddenly exploded into six figure territory.

We love stories of perseverance. We celebrate the people with the dogged determination to soldier through the battlefield no matter what. There’s so much grit and admirable tenacity to applaud in these stories.

HOWEVER.

Alongside stories of overcoming the odds, we need to remember:

“Winners quit fast, quit often, and quit without guilt.” – Seth Godin

There is nothing inherently “bad” about quitting. It’s actually a vital and natural evolutionary process. (If it helps, instead of using the word “quitting,” you could think of it as: clarifying, remedying, healing, or cleansing.)

Removing what feels false and misaligned for the life you want to lead, opens up a field of fresh potentiality. Fill it with the truth of what you really want.

(** Sidenote: Seth wrote an excellent book about strategic quitting as the fundamental secret to success. Whether you need to quit your job, your relationship or your love affair with Oreo’s, check out The Dip.)

3. No is the weedwacker AND the fertilizer.

Some of us think that No only removes stuff, that its only function is to create boundaries. But actually, No does more than that.

A strong, clear-minded No purges the system, and then raises this brilliant question: What will you now say Yes to?

Now that you’ve yanked the weeds out, what will you plant in the soil?

No to your invitation. Yes to his.
No to the three mile run. Yes to a living room dance party.
No to dairy. Yes to wine.

We honor ourselves by remembering that No is always an option. And the truest No will always be attached to a clear Yes, opening the way for what is coming next.

To say YES to your tomorrow, what do you need to say NO to today? @AnnikaMartins
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Annika Martins hosts The Sacred Podcast and writes about ditching the dogma and creating a spiritual practice on your own terms. She’s also the creator of Meditate YOUR Way, a collection of meditation experiments for free-thinking, spiritual seekers who are tired of meditation “rules”. Get your first experiment (for free) HERE.

Image courtesy of woodleywonderworks.