How often do you find yourself saying things like, “I can’t believe this person said that to me.” “That person owes me an apology.” or “I’m so pissed that they thought [or said] that.” Do you often feel offended?
First, let’s break down what an offense is. It is your ego’s response to what someone else said.
When you are offended, you are in an ego-driven state, which is, ultimately, disempowering and a victim mentality.
Your Ego, or Self, will fall into one of these categories as a way to cope with the loss of empowerment:
- High Ego—power hungry; self absorbed; focus on external image; needs validation from others; blames/condemns others in order to boost self
- Low Ego—no power; codependency; lost/confused; plays martyr; never feels gets what deserves; over carrying and worrying; always doubting self and putting self down
Interestingly enough, the high and low egos are two sides of the same coin. Both mask their genuine self by looking outside for validation, are overly concerned with the image they are portraying, tend to blame others, and are never satisfied. Can you see how, depending on your reaction, being offended can fall into either your high or low ego? If your response is something like, “Who do they think they are? I deserve an apology.” then you tend to lean toward the High Ego reaction. If you say something like, “Why is that person picking on me? What did I ever do to them?” you lean more toward the Low Ego response. Neither is a healthy functional response, so let’s get to the re-frame!
The cure to being offend-able is to realize that you cannot control others, but you can control how you react and respond to what others say and do.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what someone else thinks. In YOUR life, what matters is what YOU think.
I encourage you to speak your truth, and there is nothing wrong with telling the other person “I did not like that interaction.” or “I feel like we can communicate in a less hostile manner.” something along those lines.
This week (seven whole days), I want you to dial into what your immediate reaction wants to be when someone offends you, whether speaking to you or about you, and see if you can take a step back and not react.
What others think of you is none of YOUR business.
It’s about what you think of you. As long as you think you are worthy and amazing, you don’t need to be offended. It is a waste of your precious time and energy and gives the offender control over you.
I would love to know your thoughts about this. Did it offend you ;-)? Please share.
I hope you have an amazing week and, as always, take care of you.
Love Love Love
Terri
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Tune Up Tips and follow her on Twitter.
